The contents of the email I sent before half term.
You have shot some very strong footage, particularly: • Close ups, high angle and tilt…but some too tilted • Money being taken out of the till • Pouring hot water • Man stirring and drinking coffee • Shutting the bolt • Good lighting • Keep original footage of man walking to café the frontage is splendid, when editing you can cut from this footage to the girl serving or the two girls talking – this footage was elegant • Nice performances by Emily and Lauren. You could do more, even Alex participating and coming in as if girl’s boyfriend, he looks at his watch and leaves, thus leaving the waitress isolated……or the possibility that he is colluding with man with hat. (Your choice) Little weaknesses: • Tilts a little too extreme!!! Be careful of this – be much more subtle • You have a close up of the girl taking the money but you need to cut to the girl putting the money in her pocket or bag (pocket would be more convincing, so that more is made of this flaw in her character/deviance – it adds a good twist whilst making the character more interesting. Also the girl's deviance moves away from the simplistic view of clear lines between good and evi.
The contents of the email I sent before half term.
ReplyDeleteYou have shot some very strong footage, particularly:
• Close ups, high angle and tilt…but some too tilted
• Money being taken out of the till
• Pouring hot water
• Man stirring and drinking coffee
• Shutting the bolt
• Good lighting
• Keep original footage of man walking to café the frontage is splendid, when editing you can cut from this footage to the girl serving or the two girls talking – this footage was elegant
• Nice performances by Emily and Lauren. You could do more, even Alex participating and coming in as if girl’s boyfriend, he looks at his watch and leaves, thus leaving the waitress isolated……or the possibility that he is colluding with man with hat. (Your choice)
Little weaknesses:
• Tilts a little too extreme!!! Be careful of this – be much more subtle
• You have a close up of the girl taking the money but you need to cut to the girl putting the money in her pocket or bag (pocket would be more convincing, so that more is made of this flaw in her character/deviance – it adds a good twist whilst making the character more interesting. Also the girl's deviance moves away from the simplistic view of clear lines between good and evi.